I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a child loves to overhear the conversations of its parents, and the parents love the sound of their own arguing voices, and as the pen loves to write down the words these voices utter in a notebook for safekeeping. I will love you as a shingle loves falling off a house on a windy day and striking a grumpy person across the chin, and as an oven loves malfunctioning in the middle of roasting a turkey. I will love you as an airplane loves to fall from a clear blue sky and as an escalator loves to entangle expensive scarves in its mechanisms. I will love you as a wet paper towel loves to be crumpled into a ball and thrown at a bathroom ceiling and as an eraser loves to leave dust in the hairdos of people who talk too much. I will love you as a cufflink loves to drop from its shirt and explore the party for itself and as a pair of white gloves loves to slip delicately into the punchbowl. I will love you as the taxi loves the muddy splash of a puddle and as a library loves the patient tick of a clock.
So, this is the most peaceful part of my day..
I just opened the store and am alone for a full hour before someone else comes in. I turn pandora on Fray Radio, pull up a stool, and scroll through tumblr. No messy apartment, no puppy craving attention, no crazyness. Just me in the store. It gives me some time to think about things uninterrupted. I am thinking about how much longer its going to take for me to break down. I am obviously not okay, this is not okay. I am thinking about how I lost one of my best friends because he didn’t understand. I wish you would have seen what my heart was going through, then maybe you wouldn’t have pushed me so far away. I am thinking about the unfamiliar refuge I found in someone else. Never did I think you and I would be anything other than a text and gentle smile here and there, but that is changing. It’s nice, because I can talk to you and know that there are no motives behind your words. You don’t want to be with me. Its refreshing to have an unbiased point of view.
I don’t know. I really miss how life was just a month ago. Things hurt, but not this bad. I wasn’t by myself. 2012 was supposed to be my year, but it has started off pretty rotten so far. I want my heart back. I want fluffy lumps. I want panda kisses. I want to be able to smile without quickly stifling it. I just don’t know.
The rest of my life has improved significantly since the worst day of my life.. The only things still bothering me are school and my love life. Surely, I need to take some time to figure these out. I just don’t know what to do. So, I am going to stay at work all day, forget about everything in the hustle and just hope when I get home, something, anything is different.
Doing this!
Thats my favorite..
If there is any girl interested in fooling around with a 19 year old female, brunette, skinny, with a couple of tattoos.. show up at my doorstep ready to go.
For some reason, I have been craving to love another woman. I’m not a lesbian, but i have done things with girls. It’s been too long and my heart is kind of broken.
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